Week Four: Restoration
I'll be honest; I sometimes feel like I'm failing this program—even though you can't "fail" at it. It's hard for me to consistently practice yoga, meditate, track my food, and read. I've fallen into the habit of focusing on yoga more than anything else. I feel great, but I can't help but wonder how much better I could feel if I meditated more frequently or spent more time reading the 40 Days book.
I'm reminding myself it's a journey, and I shouldn't be too hard on myself. It's not about where a journey ends.
WEEK FOUR COMMITMENT: 60 MINUTES ONCE A DAY
I love practicing yoga. It calms me down, it re-centers my body, and it re-focuses my mind. I love the community at Up Yoga, where I practice. I now recognize someone in pretty much every class I take, and it's so much fun practicing alongside new friends.
I went to a beginner's class led by teacher trainees yesterday and beforehand, the instructor talked about the life-changing benefits of yoga, such as reduced anxiety and depression, greater flexibility, better digestion, and more. I have found each of these to be true for me—and then some. In the relatively short amount of time I've been practicing, my life really has changed. I just feel better—about almost everything. I feel better about my body—how it looks and what it's capable of. And, I feel better about my habits and my personality—I'm not alone in this world.
WEEK FOUR COMMITMENT: 20 MINUTES TWICE A DAY
I initially wrote, "I suck at meditating," in this space, then erased it to write, "I suck at meditating consistently," which is far more accurate. I actually really like meditation, but I still haven't gotten myself into the habit of meditating regularly. This is something I will be working on well through Week Six, as well as the rest of my life.
FIVE-DAY SUGAR CLEANSE
I wasn't too nervous about the five-day sugar cleanse in this challenge because I've already completed a 30-day sugar cleanse (a.k.a. the Whole30). However, the pressure of the week left me turning to sugar for comfort. It was almost as if I retaliated against the "restraints" of the program this week. Whenever I felt stressed, I'd think, "You're not supposed to be stressed! This is a week of restoration!" And when I'd eat something unhealthy, I'd think, "Ugh, you're not supposed to eat this... you're supposed to be on a cleanse..."
As a result, Week Four was one of the most negatively-charged weeks of the program for me so far. It's no secret I have a complicated and often unhealthy relationship with food. I know I can do a five-day sugar cleanse, but I also know I need to work on developing a healthier relationship with sugar in general before I can cut it out of my diet completely and not break and binge under the pressure of restriction.
This week, we talked about baggage. I actually pride myself on not carrying around too much baggage with me. I believe everything we've done and everything that's happened to us so far has shaped us into who we are today—and frankly, I quite like who I am, so I don't see my past or my mistakes as "baggage" so much as battle scars. And battle scars are pretty f*cking cool.